How To Spark Your Marriage
How To Spark Your Marriage – This is the big elephant in the bedroom of many couples: Lack of intimacy. Do you find it difficult (and fail) to make time for physical connection? If yes, you are not alone. There are many reasons why couples do not have physical contact, causing them to feel disconnected. Here are 7 ways to restore intimacy in your marriage.
You and your partner may have lost most of your physical connection. It’s easier to shout “goodbye” on the way out the door than to kiss him. However, basic connection is important to your physical relationship. Take a few extra seconds and make sure you kiss each other every day.
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Working adults often feel tired, whether they are working at home with children or in the labor market. It steals energy to focus on intimacy. Work with your partner to find time to get your intimacy back on track. While this may not feel automatic at first, finding a time when you both have more energy will help you get into the habit of setting a time frame that works best for you both.
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Often work and kids make us focus on other things than our relationships. We realized that it took a conscious effort to ensure that our primary focus was on each other and the marriage. Once you refocus, intimacy will naturally come back more easily.
As with all aspects of life, praying together about how to strengthen this relationship will help you open yourself to God and His guidance. By praying together, you expose yourself to each other and work together to find solutions to this important part of your marriage.
Reading the Bible together is another way to restore intimacy in your marriage. In 1 Corinthians:7 there are many references to the physical union of husband and wife and how the roles we take on change after you say your vows. Reading these words together will help you remember that your physical relationship only benefits your marriage; It is part of what God wants for us.
If you’re like us, the kids are always in and out of our bedrooms: late night dreams, watching TV, etc. It is known that a lot of stuff is collected in our living rooms, but it doesn’t seem like that. Absolutely the place for us. Setting guidelines with your children so they know your bedroom is off limits to their toys and watching TV will help it become a place for you again… your personal space to rest and calm down.
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When you have children at home, it can be difficult to find time for intimacy. Planning occasional (but regular) outings allows you to take time on the weekends to really focus on each other, your relationship, and your relationship with each other. Your vacation can be more luxurious, with flights, more varied, but it can also mean traveling to nearby hotels or resorts. As long as it allows you to focus on each other, it will help you heal your relationship.
The suggestions above require a lot of effort but are worth it in the end. You have to start somewhere, right? Don’t let this list of things scare you; Use this as a starting point to put together goals to restore intimacy!
Mike and Carly Kercheval were college sweethearts and have been passionately married since June 2000. They are blessed with three precious children whom they love with all their hearts. Together they wrote the best-selling devotional for couples, Sacred Conversations™. Mike & Carly founded Marriage Legacy University™ to help couples create their legacies with purpose. They co-host the Prayer Couple Podcast, where they pray gospel-centered prayers for marriage and family around the world. I have no desire to hug or be hugged, touch or be touched; I felt very uncomfortable doing that. When friends came over for hugs, I made every effort to meet them and wanted to shake their hands.
I have no problems in the bedroom; It was like I shared our physical interactions by putting any physical contact in the “sexual” part of my mind. When Josh left for work I gave him a quick kiss and went back to my busy day. Is there anything more to it? It wasn’t on my radar, I honestly didn’t want it to happen.
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As time went on, after I had children, I needed physical contact by holding, rocking and feeding my little one. I love cuddling my kids, but with my husband there are walls. He thought. I feel And I feel powerless what to do.
I didn’t realize it, but my aversion to physical contact was actually fear. I was afraid that if I approached my husband it would lead to rejection. This fear of rejection can be so crippling that it’s easier to withdraw into compartments and compartments than to express love physically.
When I realized how fear was affecting me and my marriage, I had a starting point. I haven’t been able to reverse years of anxiety attacks overnight, but I can take small steps to combat them.
My first step: Touching Josh — not in a teasing or sexual way, but in a simple way that says “I’m here and I love you” instead of treating him like a co-worker at the water cooler.
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I tried it on one of my average Tuesdays full of dishes, laundry and emails. When he sat down to eat breakfast, I put my hand on his shoulder as we talked. As we discussed the business plan that afternoon, I approached him without looking like an opposing player (my rule!). As we sat on the couch at the end of the day, I put my hand on his arm.
At first it was new. I am ashamed. I still get toddler hugs and kisses from the kids all day long, content without being constantly touched. But I noticed that these small attempts to give unconditional love made me feel more connected.
Josh noticed it too. He didn’t say anything but held my hand tightly as I held it out to him. When I was throwing the laundry in the dryer, he came up next to me and even touched my shoulder. Affection is contagious.
My personality struggles with vulnerability, but my heart clings to that hope. By loving him I am loved. Maybe there is no need to be afraid of affection.
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It is important to note that as I practiced intimacy with Josh, I also worked through my inner fear of God. No attempt could overcome that fear except his inner healing of my soul.
I pray that my heart will feel secure in our marriage and through that security I can also provide security to Josh. It’s a small step towards openness and vulnerability that doesn’t lead to rejection. On the contrary, it creates unity.
When Josh Fai did this experiment, she felt uncomfortable at first. But in the love language test, I tested more for physical contact and was naturally drawn to respond to his efforts. The familiar saying “sex starts in the kitchen” certainly applies to me. My desires and longings for intimacy in the bedroom were born out of longings and desires outside the bedroom. This experiment shows that my love language is at least one way to my heart, creating an emotional intimacy that leads to bedtime. ~ Josh Massenheimer (Phylicia’s husband) is your experiment
Maybe it’s not fear that keeps you from compassion, but busyness. How do you make time to show love to your man? What specific actions best describe affection? A seven second kiss? Non-sexual touch? Hold his hand?
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If you think fear is playing a role in your ability to show physical love in your marriage, take some time in the Word to read what God has to say about fear. How does he respond to that? What did he promise those who followed him? Decide on simple acts of affection today (and tomorrow) that express your love physically.
I’ve been excited to share this book with you for a long time, and I’m sure you’ll find it a great boost to your marriage—no matter how long you’ve been married.
Experimenting with flirting encourages you to strengthen your marriage with a fun and unexpected approach that leads to the depth, richness and intimacy you desire.
The Bible is not intended as a solution to abusive, manipulative, sinful husbands or as proof of why a Christian wife should be in a destructive relationship. We encourage you
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